애딸린 이혼녀 미혼남과의 연애하다 헤어졌는데..너무 힘드네요

 

 

 

저는 애딸린 이혼녀인데 총각이랑 일년동안 사귀다가 헤어지고 아직 한달이 안되었어요 하루종일 그사람밖에 생각안나고 카톡프로필도 하루에 수십번은 보고 카톡을 지웠다가 다시 깔았다가 도대체 제가 왜이러나 모르겠구 많이 사랑했어요 사랑도 많이 받고 우리 애까지 이뻐해주고 같이 살날만 손꼽았죠 훗~애딸린 이혼녀라는거 다 이해해주고 사랑해 줬어요 내가 중요한 결정을 내릴때마다 그사람 입장보다 애 먼저 생각해고 결정내려도 이해해주고 참아줬는데 그게 내심 맘에 걸렸지만 그런 상황이 그사람을 많이 힘들게 한것 같아요 처음엔 같은 지역에 살다가 애때문에 차로 한시간 걸리는 다른 지역으로 이사하게 되면서 더 많이 힘들어 하더라구요 전 매일 못보는게 아쉽긴 하도 일주일에 한번 만나고 전화통화 하면서 지내면 사랑 변치 않을거라 생각했어요 내가 더잘하면 될거야 괜찮을거야 생각했는데 순전히 제 이기적인 생각이였나봐요 제가 이사를 오게 되면서 그사람도 상황이 여의치가 않아서 차도 없애게 되고 집도 아는 형네로 들어가게 되고 하면서 더 많이 힘들어 하더라구요 내가 만나러 간다고 하면 신경쓰인다고 오지말라그러고 와도 편하게 같이 있을곳도 없고 모텔 가서 돈 낭비하는것도 싫다하고 이런 상황이 많이 지치고 짜증났나봐요 한달 이상을 그런식으로 못만나다보니 저도 투정을 부리게 되구 그러면서 한번 대판 싸우고 제가 화나서 헤어지자 했죠 그랬더니 그다음날 그러자고 하더라구요 제가 많이 사랑한탓에 메달렸는데 그만하고 싶다고 서로 상처받지 말자 하더라구요 전 그사람 사귀면서 서운한건 있어도 상처받은 적은 없었는데 그사람은 아니였나봐요 주위 사람들한테 이여자때문에 힘들다고 얘기하면 다들 헤어지라고 그런소리듣고 더많이 힘들었겠죠 마지막 보고싶은 마음에 마지막으로 얼굴 한번 보구 정말 헤어질려고 그런 마음에 한밤중에 가서 만나자고 했더니 오히려 혼만 났어요 죽을것같은 마음 다잡고 얘기햏는데 제가 끝까지 내생각만 한다고... 또 미안해 지더라구요 그런거 아니였는데 정말 전 이기적인 여자인가봐요 전화하면서 엉엉 울고 그사람도 많이 울고 서로 잘살고 행복해지라면서 서로 다독여주고 그리고 끝냈어요 지금 헤어진지 이주 됐어요 시간이 너무 안가요 잊어야 하는데 잊기가 너무 힘들어요 마음 한쪽으론 다시 돌아왔음 좋겠지만 그러면 제가 너무 뻔뻔한거죠 그리구 그사람 절대로 돌아올리 없을텐데 이렇게 미련하게 구는 제 자신이 한심해요 잘참아보고 좋은 추억 하나 잡고 살아볼려고 해요 맘이 많이 아프고 답답하네요 후~~~ 두서 없는 횡설수설 얘기 끝까지 읽어주셔서 감사합니다~^^